Telling Asphodel
by NemesisFate
Summary: Severus has been with Harry for 12 years, but Harry won't tell anyone. Severus spills his soul to his kitten, Asphodel. HPSS slash


Title: Telling Asphodel

Author: Nemesis

Feedback: Harry/Snape

Rating: R

Summary: Harry and Severus have been in a relationship for twelve years, but Harry's been adamant about not telling anyone. Severus tells his cat about his problems about keeping to himself.

Archive: Dawn-To-Dusk Fuh-Q Fest Wave VII

Beta: The absolutely wonderful Chrysos. I think she re-edited it um… at least three times, but more like five. Thanks so much! All remaining mistakes are mine.

A/N: This is edited for content. Edited scenes are marked as such with brackets and a note.

Severus picked up the gray kitten and sat down in an armchair in front of the fire. He stroked the kitten slowly, musing. The kitten burrowed deep into Severus' lap, purring contentedly.

His lover had gotten him Asphodel – the kitten – three months ago. His lover of twelve years. His lover who had never let him tell anyone.

Severus had gotten the kitten from Harry on their twelfth anniversary. Harry said it should be called Asphodel, reminding Severus of his first class, when Severus berated him for not knowing about asphodel and wormwood.

"_It will remind you of me,"_ _Harry said to Severus as he gave him the kitten._

Severus stroked Asphodel slowly, thinking about everything that's going on. The kitten meowed, almost as though he was inviting Severus to talk about his problems.

Severus smiled down at him and started talking, knowing the kitten probably couldn't understand him, but still talking to relieve some stress. Plus, the kitten seemed to like the sound of his voice. "When Harry was sixteen, I became his lover. One thing just led to another…"

_Harry was in Severus' Advanced Potions class. As Severus later found out, Harry had read a book during the summer that Severus had written on the importance of potions, and the research he had done throughout his life to improve the lives of others. The most striking case was that of Wolfsbane, which Harry later confessed to wanting to make for Remus one day, just so that Remus would always have a supply, should anything happen to Severus, Merlin forbid._

_Harry had come down one night after dinner to ask a few questions about potions making. Ever since he had been motivated to work hard, he was striving to be the top in the class and spent a lot of time trying to prove to Severus that he was capable. Discovering the Potions Master had led Harry to become infatuated with the man, dark and forbidding._

_After Severus had answered the questions, Harry asked a few more, debating with Severus on different points. It had led to them sitting and discussing the potions, bickering over it all, but this time it was more friendly than derogatory. Harry made a teasing comment, and Severus glared at him. "Caution, Mr. Potter," he warned. "You would not want to experience any unpleasant side effects of your teasing."_

_In response, Harry made another provacative remark. Severus stood up and advanced on Harry. "Are you trying to irritate me, Mr. Potter?"_

"_Yes, sir," Harry answered cheerfully. Severus frowned and placed his hands on the arms of Harry's chair. His dark eyes glittered predatorily, a smirk graced his thin mouth, his black hair fell down about his face, framing it and caressing it._

"_And why would that be, Mr. Potter?"_

"_Why not?" Harry replied nonchalantly, although inside he was tingly with excitement. Severus was so close, but so far away._

_Severus bent down, his face millimeters away from Harry's. "You're playing with fire," he said softly._

"_Then I'll get burned," Harry answered just as softly, almost purring with contentment._

_Severus leaned forward and brushed his lips against Harry's. Harry answered with a moan and opened his mouth invitingly. Soon they were both on the floor, kissing each other passionately in a stream of never-ending kisses._

_Severus pulled back and looked into the young man's face, searching for anything that showed he didn't want it. _

"_Why'd you stop?" Harry asked._

"_Are you gay, Harry?" Severus asked, not noticing he had called Harry by his first name._

_Harry turned his face, ashamed. "Yes. I know I'm unnatural. I'll be going now."_

"_Wait," Severus said, his arm shooting out and grabbing Harry's. "Do you want this? Do you want me?"_

_Harry nodded shamefully. Severus pulled the young man into his lap. "Then I don't care. I'm like that, too, and I want you very much."_

_Harry kissed Severus softly, the kiss growing passionate quickly. Severus slid his hands under Harry's shirt and caressed his sides gently. "You're beautiful," he murmured. "Gorgeous." He pulled the shirt off quickly and looked at Harry, smiling._

"_Absolutely gorgeous," he continued. Harry blushed, and Severus smiled._

"_Bed?" Harry asked hopefully._

_Severus nodded and picked Harry up, carrying him to Severus' bedroom and dumping him on the large bed in the middle of the room. Harry looked up at Severus and smiled. _

"_You're wearing a lot of clothes," Harry said softly._

"_So I am," Severus agreed, and began undoing the buttons of his robe slowly._

"_Harry, have you ever done this before?"_

_Harry shook his head. _

"_Do you want me to be your first? Are you willing to grace me with such a gift – your virginity?"_

_Harry nodded frantically._

"_Then I'll accept it, and I promise to be gentle." He finally finished undoing all of the buttons and stood in front of Harry, with no shirt, just trousers. Harry gasped when he saw Severus shirtless. His lean muscles rippling slightly under pale skin, nipples pert and at attention. Severus smiled wickedly when he saw Harry's hungry gaze sweeping over him._

_He kicked off his shoes and pulled off his socks, and he slid next to Harry, lips searching for lips._

_It was only after the sex that Harry nuzzled Severus' neck and said fearfully, "What about your job?"_

_Severus pushed a lock of hair out of the young wizard's face. "Nothing'll happen, Harry. Teacher-student relationships are allowed if both parties are of age and consent."_

"_Can you not tell anyone?" Harry asked. "Keep this just between us? And that I'm gay, too?"_

_Severus nodded, without really thinking about it._

The cat purred as Severus stroked him, although he was starting to wonder why his kind master had stopped speaking. He had such a wonderful voice, a soothing one, he mused as he kneaded Severus' leg with his feet. He meowed and turned his hand to lick Severus' hand. Severus looked down at Asphodel.

"Do you want to hear more, Asphodel?" he asked gently.

The kitten meowed again and swiped gently at Severus' hand with his paw. Severus chuckled.

"Harry never wants to tell anyone about our relationship," Severus told him, still stroking the cat, but staring off into the fire. "Harry doesn't even tell anyone that he's gay. The public would be shocked, but they'd get over it. He always appears in the magazines with a new witch hanging on his arm, a bimbo, all dolled up, her breasts literally spilling out of her low-cut dress that covers so little. It's very arousing if you're straight, but Harry's strictly homosexual. He doesn't get turned on by any of these women. He just takes them out for dinner at an expensive restaurant. He's never taken me anywhere. I'm a private person, yes, but that doesn't mean I never want to go out with my lover. He takes all of these witches out, all dressed up in the sluttiest clothes to get him to notice them, but even though he comes home, we have never eaten together outside of the castle. Never. He takes these women out, gives them a present or something like that, kisses them for the camera, maybe even touches them inappropriately. But in the end he always comes back to me, _I _am always the one who listens to him, _I _am always the one who fucks him into the mattress. Come to think of it, I fuck him harder on the days he's taken a woman out. I have this urge to imprint my scent on him – mark him as mine, and I lick him everywhere, bring him pleasure again and again and again…"

_Scene edited due to content. Full version on my livejournal ( need him to know he's mine. I love him with all my heart. I fell in love with him twelve years ago, when he was sixteen, and I've loved him since. But I've never told anyone I date Harry Potter. I understood his hesitation during school, and ever after he graduated. We had only been together two years. But by the time we had been together five years, I was incapable of understanding his hesitation. Sure, he's gay, but it's not as unnatural as he thinks it to be. It wouldn't necessarily ruin his image, and he would be thought stronger for coming out about it."_

He sighed and continued stroking Asphodel, who was happily purring in his lap. Asphodel turned his head and gazed adoringly at his gentle master. He couldn't fathom why people hated him – he wouldn't hurt a fly, Asphodel was positive.

"I'm sick of lying to my family about it. They all know I'm gay. I have five sisters and three brothers, and none of us are straight. One of my brothers, Nigel, is also gay, and the other two, William – we call him Liam – and Alan, are bisexual. Three of my sisters, Elena, Maria, and Sarah, are lesbian. The other two, Nina and Rosa, are bisexual." He paused for a moment, trying to remember what he had been thinking.

Suddenly he remembered. "It's rather amusing, since we all thought the rest of the family would shun us, so we all started out by telling one person. I'm the oldest of us all, my brother Nigel is a year younger than I. We came out to each other when I was nineteen. The youngest was twelve – there's a set of triplets in my family: Nina, Rosa, and Alan."

_Nigel turned to Severus. "Sev?" he asked. "Can I talk to you?"_

_Severus nodded, and they went to Severus' room. "I need to confess something," Nigel continued._

"_I need to admit something, too," Severus admitted. "You say it first."_

_Nigel took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I'm gay," he whispered. Severus raised an eyebrow curiously. That was an interesting development, to be sure. "And now I'll just go, since you probably don't want to talk to a specimen as disgusting as me."_

"_Nigel," Severus called. "Don't go. I still have to confess something to you. I'm gay, too."_

"_Stop joking with me," Nigel hissed, hurt._

"_I'm not," Severus answered seriously. "I really am gay."_

"_Really?" Nigel asked hopefully._

"_Really," Severus answered and opened his arms for a hug from his brother. They held each other, comforting each other._

_Somehow, all nine of them found out about the other's sexuality. They agreed to tell their parents together, from oldest to youngest. After dinner one day, they were standing at the cabinet watching their parents put things away. Severus, as the oldest, was the first to tell his parents._

_He cleared his throat and said, "Mother, Father, may I tell you something?"_

"_Of course," his mother answered. "What is it?"_

"_I'm gay," he admitted._

"_So am I," piped up Nigel, with the rest of them admitting either to homosexuality or bisexuality. They stood there, fidgeting, waiting to see what their parents would say. Their parents were very loving, but also old-fashioned._

_Their mother stiffened. "The correct term is homosexual," she said coldly. Her husband – their father – went up to her and rubbed her back gently._

"_Michelle, calm down." He turned to face nine guilty faces. "Unfortunately, I can understand you. My brother is also gay. My father is bisexual. My great-aut is a lesbian. Homosexuality runs in the Snape line, and I'm sure if your mother looked, she would notice it also runs in the Scervi family."_

_Their mother sighed almost defeatedly. "It does," she answered. "My sister is bisexual, my aunt lesbian, and my great-uncle gay."_

"Mother and Father never really understood us – both of them are as straight as that proverbial arrow. But we – Liam, Nigel, Alan, and I – talked to my uncle and his lover a lot, and he was very helpful. I think my sisters talked a lot to Mother's sister, but I'm not sure. After that, we were all a lot more willing to explore and date. Then my parents passed away, but we always remained close to each other, not to mention my uncle, Emmet, and his lover, Nicholas, are still alive and close to us. My mother's sister passed away a few years after my mother did."

Asphodel purred happily as he realized his master was talking again. Long silences worried him. He didn't understand much of what Severus was saying, but he loved hearing his master's voice, and he tried to tell his master that at every possible occasion.

Severus sighed and smiled. "I have something for you. I forgot to give it to you earlier today." He produced a rubber mouse from a pocket and dangled it in front of Asphodel. The kitten meowed and hit it with his front paw. Finally Severus relented and let Asphodel have the mouse.

"For the past eleven years, I've been going to my birthday celebration a day early, and I don't go to Christmas anymore on Christmas day. I'm lying to those I love about seeing someone, and it hurts a lot. But Harry doesn't want anyone to know that he's gay. My family wouldn't tell, and they wouldn't judge him. They'd accept him into the family because he's my lover, my partner, and if I'm happy with him, then they'd have no complaints. I want to tell them I'm in love, I want them to know I'm living with someone, I want them to know I'm happy. Right now, this relationship doesn't exist outside of these rooms and my house – the Snape manor."

Severus sighed and continued stroking his cat, who was happily playing with the rubber mouse in Severus' lap. "And I know Harry loves me, but he's never willing to admit it. I'm going to tell my family. I am. I want them to know. I've been respecting Harry's wishes for many years, and I'm starting to feel like my feelings aren't important anymore. But I'm just going to tell my family that I love him. And then I'm going to invite them all to the Manor on my birthday, and take Harry there so that he can see there are people in the world besides me who accept him."

Asphodel purred happily in Severus' lap, almost in encouragement.

"I'm going to let my family know that I've been in love for over twelve years, and I'm going to have them meet Harry."

He knew it wouldn't be easy to tell his family he had been lying to them, although they would forgive him immediately. The harder thing would be getting Harry to forgive him.

But he knew Harry would.


End file.
